Beer Open 2019

(Written by Chris Prouty)
Three Quarters Full - Noon
Brian Byrne, Mike Colgan, Paul Del Aguila, Mark Menacho
Just like golf, the Open will start with optimism. Our leadoff group has three Beer members and 2 past champions. Will they combine the grizzled, veteran wily-ness with famous Beer heart and been-there-done-that of former champs to never relinquish the lead? No. Sorry. Nope.
Odds: 100 - 1

Yelling Is Approved - 12:10p
Chris Marinelli, Mike Marinelli, Brandon, Chris GK
We've only ever had one rule on Beer. No yelling at each other on the field. We're all in this together and all that. There was one exemption for the rule: brothers on the team were allowed to yell at each other. Cannot quite recall who those brothers were... the Gantars maybe? This is a long winded way of saying 'good luck' to the Marinelli brothers. You're allowed to yell at each other. But Mike has to listen to Chris. Chris is a past champion.
Odds: 80-1

Death To Smoothie - 12:20p
Justin O'Reilly, John Prouty, Sean Regan, Kevin Sarsany
Fresh off his Open sabbatical, John is in it to win it. He has stacked his team with Mr. Smooth (Kevin Sarsany) who will serve as the steady metronome of this wildly talented group. Regan will bring his D1 basketball athleticism. O'Reilly will bring the whole thing together like... like... you know... one of those things... makes the room work.... A rug. He will be like a great rug.
Odds: 7-2

Where's Hannah? - 12:30p
Eric Burns, Jim Scibek, Darren Tait, Todd Weiss
Lots of talent here. Scibek to provide the consistently good shots, Burns to make a couple random 40 footers, Weiss to pick up where Scibek cannot, and Mr. I-Don't-Cross-the-Halfline himself, Tait. Tait has played 90 rounds this year. Ninety. Additionally, he is not afraid of utilizing performance enhancing drugs to, you know, improve his performance. If they play too well on the front side, I have Lipski on speed-dial. These guys get the dreaded black mark: our pre-Open favorites. Good luck with that!
Odds: 3 - 1

Big Hitter the Lama - 12:40p
Archie, Jerry Brankin, Craig Gantar, Brendan McLaughlin
This is the wild card group. Archie (he only needs one name) prefers playing courses backwards, you know, green to tee. Goose? Luckiest Open poker player ever. The artist formerly known as Ratliff? Lots of variance to his game. Brankin is the big hitter. They will be chipping from 100 yards on their second shot all day long. Will they win? No. No winner here. BUT... on their deathbed, they will receive Total Consciousness. So they have that going for them.
Odds: 200 - 1

Golf is a 4 Letter Word But So is Work - 12:50p
Bill Bush, Chris Prouty, Andrew Volckens, Mark Witt
These guys aren't very good. Pay no attention over here. Just some kids out for a day in the sun and an adult beverage or two. Just happy to be here. Move along. Nothing to see...
Odds: 8 - 1

Three Headed Monster Plus One - 1:00p
Nat Darnieder, Karl Krewenka, Tom Melzl, Buddy Lee
I say it ever year, I'll say it again: Everybody loves a fired up Tommy! Melzl will be coming in hot from whatever kid athletic event he has in the morning. Will that heat be focussed on the green hills he must conquer? Can he uber alles his team to be greater than the sum of their parts? As I write this, I picture Karl slowly shaking his head. I don't think it's a head fake.
Odds: 40 - 1

Eggs but No Bacon - 1:10p
William Brumett, The Sizzler, Patrick Kleszynski, Matt Robertson
The reigning champs! The Sizzler is a two time champ and hungry for his third star. He has reassembled his crew, swapping out one part for another. They are geared up and ready to go. But those in the know, know repeating is hard. All the paparazzi in the off season, the talk show circuit, the ladies, all the ladies.... it can tucker one out, especially the little guys. That heartbreaking second place finish that was forecast for last year? I was merely a year early. Happens this year.
Odds: 7 - 1